SL #137: The Fixer Upper

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Hey family what’s good this sugar lie on the bronze god i seen it’s time for another strawberry letter let’s go get them i gave you permission to use my letter okay bg i love here christian let advice and all your strawberry letters i really need your help with an issue that’s been going on for so many years in my life i’m 25 years old i had been with my boyfriend

Now for five years i met why i met him whilst in university he was just working i was planning to go back to university the following year our relationship started out great but problems started when he couldn’t go to the university in the end and was always facing some sort of family drama six years later and i feel that i am in the same relationship i was in six

Years ago and he’s always in and out of jobs we argue constantly we don’t go anywhere or have much fun i am ready to get engaged and move on to the next stage in our lives but can’t seem to but he can’t seem to get his stuff together how patient should i be i feel disloyal if i leave him because i love him so much and i’d love to be a part of his life but i feel

So unhappy i don’t know if i can live like this is this what i have to look forward to i try to initiate dates that we can go on short trips and things like that but his excuse is always money i don’t mind paying from time to time but after a while it’s like you’re the man i want to be treated like a princess – i have helped him with job applications i come up

With date ideas that are free whenever he gets a job something goes wrong and our dates never happen my family loves him and his family has welcomed me but so difficult to get good advice in the situation he’s not a bad guy and has ambition but we argue constantly and i feel like i’m putting myself on hold for him i pray so hard about this but i still don’t know

What to do i’m open to hearing your honest advice should i stay in this relationship or just be patient just cut my losses and move on lots of love alright the main reason why i wanted to do your particular strawberry letter is not necessarily that it is unique but quite the contrary i want to do your letter because i feel like i’m getting the same letter and

It is with a lot of people a lot of women wasting their time in relationships so you’re telling me that you have given this man five six years of your life and you’re not even having a good time you have nothing to show for it’s not like he doesn’t take you anywhere he can’t take you anywhere you don’t go anywhere don’t do anything all you do is argue and what

Is keeping you here i want to talk about the mothering syndrome you know i feel like sometimes with us women we have this nurturing ability not all women but a lot of women most women have this maternal instinct to want a mother and take care of something like you see a baby bird fall out of a tree you want to nurse it back to health and i feel like sometimes we

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Do that when it comes to relationships because why are you nursing this little baby bird when this is a grown man like i feel like the basics for a relationship is that you should get what you want there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to go out there’s nothing wrong with you wanted to be went into actually court and wanting a man to pursue you and wanting to be

Treated with respect i just feel like you are so eager to settle and that’s why i wanted to do this particular letter because there’s so many women out there who write me the same exact letter who are just too eager to settle a man is not a constrict because i’ve got a construction project this is not home renovation this is not you’re watching too much hgtv you’re

Watching too much property brothers were you like you know what i’m gonna do is i’m a buy this house for 60 thousand fix it up a little bit and sell a five hundred and forty thousand like know who you date is who you marry you cannot alter him at the altar the fact that you want to even marry him and what a person want to take the relationship to that level he has

Nothing to give to you you know this is funny i actually was watching a a dating show just last night with my husband and the man on this show he was like you know i’m here to meet a nice girl and he said i’m just leaving a five-year relationship and he said the reason why he broke up with his ex was because she wanted a marriage and she wanted kids and she wanted

Basically to take the relationship to the next love and he said you know i’m not really i wasn’t ready for that the very next breath he says well i’m here to meet a nice girl you know see where it goes you know possibly settle down i was just like hold on hold on hold on so if you wasted five years of this girl’s life knowing good and what you weren’t ready to

Take it to that level and now you’ve got a fresh clean slate now you’re ready to give this a give another woman the same fake phony promise it’s just some men use women as placeholders they use you to buy some time they’re gonna hang out with you and see where this goes and while they’re dating you you know keep their options open you have to make sure that man

Is not settling for you just because he’s with you doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like he’s settling some men stay with you because they feel like you they want to see you know they don’t want to miss out on the chance of being with a good girl but they’re not sure five years is plenty of time it’s far too long in my opinion to know whether or not you’re a keeper

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Because to meet this man he was keeping his options open you ever seen the situation where a man is in a long-term situation a long-term relationship with a woman and they never get married nothing ever happens and then he meets a new woman and they get married in six months to a year or even less so look was it the man who changed no he always had that mindset i

Just feel like he didn’t think that you were the one i said it before and i’ll say it again if a man is interested in you he will rush to take you off the market and i know that there are situations you know there are anomalies there are situation where you know you may know the one girlfriend who is with her man for six years and he finally married her we all

Have that person but we all know i believe plenty more women out there i believe the number isn’t it is a more vast majority who have been in long-term relationships that lead nowhere do you want to be his girlfriend or his his uh his boo thing for twenty years if you know what you want what you want and you’re not getting it why stay you have no kids with this

Man but but even you know even beyond the fact that you know if he was treating you with respect and you know you know he was trying to get his stuff together you know i would be more inclined to see where this is going not after no five years upgrade no no not five years but i’m just saying you’re not even happy so what are you doing there you’re one of those

Women who feel like you put too much time and effort into it to let it go you don’t want to cut your losses you’re coming to me five six years in the game talking about that should i stay or should i go you still don’t know he’s making no effort to get his life together when a man is interested in you he will get his stuff together you will be the motivating force

You can’t change a man did some women want to do that because you think it makes you feel good it soothes your ego for you to be able to say yeah you know i made him he didn’t want to get married but when he met me he changed his mind like girl you’re not gonna change his mind is what i want to say a man will marry you when he’s good and ready there’s this picture

Floating around facebook i seen it on instagram where there’s this woman in front of a crowd on bended knee proposing to a man and the man is looking like the blushing bride he’s like in the photo that’s what he looks like to me because the world the rolls are so reversed the crowd is standing around everybody got the camera falling on trying to catch this moment

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That’s not cute if that was my daughter and i was there i would have walked over there i want to grab her by her arm and scooped her up get off your knees girl you’re not proposed to no man i know we new school and i know that you’re independent um later he’ll wind up in bed throw your hands up at me i know you’re independent but let’s keep some things old-school

Let’s let a man be a man cause you know what if he does if you does say you know what i’ll marry you you’re gonna write me in a few short months letter telling me how you can’t motivate him how you don’t want to get a job like what do you think is gonna change you are not going to change him if he loved you the way that he said he loved you he would want to change

Himself for out of fear of losing you a man will change when he’s good and ready a man will marry you when he’s good and ready it is all on his time but if his timetable does not match yours you need to make a decision about how long you’re gonna say he hasn’t changed already that i don’t think he’s going to at least not for you i know that might be harsh but i

Want you to get it cuz you’ve wasted so much time in your anna pseudo fake relationship and i don’t want you to waste any more time if he wanted to change he would have five years and he’s still gonna having stuff together if it was a job you would have quit okay if the job wasn’t progressing he would have quit it you decide you know what you know the first line

If my resumes is random and i’m rambling a little bit but whatever okay i’m the first line of my resume has always been what was an opportunity an opportunity for growth based on performance so i let you know from the very first line of my resume if i don’t grow in this position i’m gone so you won’t act brand new and i decide to quit you want say oh i thought

You’re gonna retire no you knew from the very beginning before you even hired me what i want i let my expectations be clear this is what i want an opportunity for growth based on performance if i do what you ask me to do if i meet and exceed your expectations i expect this you should treat a relationship the same way if your expectations aren’t being met then what

Are you still doing there you

Transcribed from video
SL #137: "The Fixer Upper" By Life With Shawnda