Why Do People Hate This Financial Advice? (It Drives The Internet Crazy!)

Why Do People Hate This Financial Advice? (It Drives The Internet Crazy!)

Hey listen i know you love it when you’re right study i know you love it when you’re right so you are always i’m gonna just bash just basketball you never you never said i was wrong though oh no no this is this is more american that would have been better but america i’ve watched you get beat up when we’re doing live events uh and on the internets on social

Media about you always tell everybody we always tell everybody to get joints check uh checking accounts and bank accounts and don’t hide money from me there was this real instagram reel going around and it was like you know basically say something that no one would say out loud and you like point and you put like a thing and i put when you get married combine

Your money including one checking out and you would have thought oh i yeah you would have thought that i was like you’re you everyone out there i hate no you would have thought you could put like invite your neighbor over for yeah yeah dude it was you got some a lot of heat for it it was like hey go drive to a red light and whoever’s next to you in the car

Combine you’re checking everyone’s like you’re so stupid like i thought that was my advice all right so gladstone garbinski mogan learnt mog and lindner sorry that i just butchered your name um in the journal of personality and social psychology this is the abstract um ultimately when couples decide to share their lives their assignment simultaneously faced

With a decision of how or whether to pool their finances so this group of psychologists is doing a study to find out um does the way in which couples keep their money affect happiness in their relationship so they took the rachel cruz ism the ramsayism and said we’re gonna put it to the empirical test now they did six different studies now i haven’t read the

Methodology here but so this is just the abstract but their sample size was almost forty thousand people including primary and secondary data which in your world that’s a lot right that’s a lot um so again i haven’t looked at the methodology but here’s what they came across across six studies about forty thousand people that couples who pool all of their money

Compared to couples who keep all or some of their money separate experience greater relationship satisfaction and are less likely to break up joining bank account though it can it benefits all couples the effect is particularly strong among couples with scarce financial resources so empirically if you will put all of your money in the account and deal with all

Of the anxiety and all of the hard conversations and all the push and pull that that that will entail the data says you’re less likely to break up and you are more likely to experience greater relationships and what else do we want in a marriage to not break up and to experience satisfaction in the marriage well we talk about this a lot in money and marriage

But it’s so in our event but it’s so funny to me and you’re the one that said it so i want to coin you but i’m like you will share a kitchen with someone you will share a bed with someone you share your your genetics together the little person running around you’re sharing literally your genetics are so human together but when it comes to your checking account

That’s my money no i earned it no where’s my 300 for the light bill it’s like what are you talking about you know what i mean yes it blows my mind and i do know people have a lot of trigger points and fear around it because of past experiences right like there are there’s legitimate people walk through legitimate pain and hardship to get to that and to say

I’m too scared now to still go in full force to my second marriage or whatever maybe but still okay so if you’re choosing to get married you guys if you’re choosing to share your life and the reason you don’t is another reason is people say well we just fight all the time we file time it’s it’s easier just to avoid the conflict but that’s the exact thing that

You have to have yeah to have to have a better marriage you’re just avoiding it and when you’re avoiding that you’re probably avoiding other things right like if if your thought is i can’t ever have that conversation it’s just getting in a fight or i can’t ever talk to him or her about this because it would then don’t get married do not get married because that

That gap in communication that gap in the ability to have hard conversations and do hard things together will show up somewhere and there’s going to be kids involved or there’s going to be a mortgage or a business involved there’s going to be in-laws involved it only it only magnifies from there so if the thought of sitting down with somebody you’re dating or

Engaged to and saying hey it’s a big deal to me that when we get married we pull all of our money together if you can’t do that call it call it because what’s coming for you is going to be worse and worse and worse and worse okay so for people that are married though and that this is still a point they’re like yeah you know i i had a uh dm come through oh my gosh

Someone slid into your dms into my dms and i i don’t always check it but i was just home and i was like going through them and she was like yeah i’m thinking about getting a separate checking account for just my spending um because he kind of harps on what i spend my money on and i’m kind of just tired of it so we do everything else we budget together that but

Just my spending i want a separate account and i messaged her back i was like hey no no because the issue is not having a separate account the issue is that your husband’s either being kind of a jerk and and poking at you and bringing up things in the past to throw in your face that you’ve spent or maybe what you’re spending y’all aren’t agree on and he’s

Frustrated like i don’t know who’s right or wrong it sounded like you know she was more right but obviously she was the one that dm me but i was like no you can’t don’t put a band-aid of things on your relationship and that’s what people i feel like do all the time we’ll just figure out systems in marriage with our money so that we don’t have to like go there

We have to engage we don’t have to we don’t have to go there and i’m like go there go there it’s painful and it’s hard but it’s worth it like that that’s a deeper marriage and finding out as much as you love somebody that they’re not going to be your forever person because they can’t honor your safety before you get married call it right and if you are with

A spouse who steadfastly refuses to join then here’s how much you’ve got to go connect with somebody that’s when you call and say i’m gonna go start seeing somebody i’d love for you to join me because this marriage isn’t safe because you don’t trust me we don’t trust each other enough here and you and i both heard of of people who blow all the money because

They’ve got addictions who blow all the money because like well i just need a new rifle it’s like well yeah but we need diapers it’s like well you figure that out yeah everybody knows of that and so we’re not talking about those there’s a small percentage yes yes or there’s yeah an addiction with gambling or yeah something else yes there’s most people most of

The time yes put your money in the same account yes yes right and here we won’t keep harping on this but but another thing too that i would love to for you to speak on though is that there’s i hear for women especially don’t depend on a man like like it is sell independence is celebrated where it’s like oh no i can take care of myself i don’t have to you know

And that idea that can rot a marriage as well right this idea that i’m going to continue to stay separate from you to take care of my own self that’s still a level a guard that’s up that you’re not allowing terry reel who i consider america’s greatest therapist he’s just extraordinary he’s a great author um he says that the great lie that women were told coming

Out of the 50s and 60s and 70s is you don’t need anybody and you can do this all by yourself and the great lie that men were told is the rules didn’t change because the rules did change and your wife got a seat at the table when i was doing research for my book yeah my mom who got married in 70 was not allowed by law to go get her own checking account without

My dad’s signature until 73 wow this is our parents right this is the arc of our parents relationships i blew my mind right so the rules changed for men and women men have to have to do things differently yes they have to be more inclusive they have to sit at the table they have to have hard conversations they have to invite partners into these conversations in

Ways that they that their grandparents didn’t yeah and the lie that you know what you can do all of this by yourself is not true we’re not wired that we’re not built that way and that’s not woo that’s co-regulated science that’s who we are we got to do life together yeah so you guys i mean here are say plays i know we’re kind of like you know harping on this

Topic but for real it’s hard man it the money and marriage conversation it is it’s so tough because your marriage issues come out in all different ways and money is one of those avenues it comes out through money and so there can be tension there can be fights but digging in and working on what’s really going on underneath the surface and and seeing yourself as

A team inside and you both come to people that’s right like i you know sometimes it’s all put on the woman and it’s like yeah cause she’s the one that’s doing a lot of the household spending and all that we see that in studies and so for some women they feel very isolated because their husband’s not helping he’s not engaging in the conversation or the flip is

My dad did it i’m doing it in the flippers yeah i’m just i’m gonna just you know yield to him and he can just no you have a voice too step in and you guys working together you’re going to be different opposites attract so be prepared for that we both feel bad in our marriages but but man i’m telling you combine this your marriage has to be so tightly unified

And use money as a tool to be one of those things that that helps

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Why Do People Hate This Financial Advice? (It Drives The Internet Crazy!) By The Ramsey Show – Highlights